Month: October 2020

Bark & Grill: Moral Compass

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To be fair, each person has their own moral compass. What is acceptable for one person is unacceptable for another. Then, on another issue, it’s reversed. I get that. Yet, there are broad landscapes of overlapping moralities among like-minded people.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, understanding the moral foundations help us understand each other. And, more to it, understanding that not all people operate on all five (or six) moral foundations helps us navigate potentially volatile social situations; yields diplomacy.

In my own personal opinion, one’s moral compass doesn’t end at what is learned from parents. That’s a huge factor, for sure. “Train up a child…” Still, if our understanding of morals ended at what we were given as children, there would be no study into adulthood; no maturing.

I propose that a person’s morality becomes more refined as that person genuinely tries to understand human nature, human existence, and one’s own foibles. The problem is that such an undertaking is a difficult discipline to practice and even more difficult to measure. Our only barometer is our own understanding which is capped at our own understanding.

Enter religion, philosophy, and introspection. Rile against each and/or all at your own peril, and quite possibly, the peril of others.

Then again, maybe my moral compass is out of whack. I’m not too arrogant to deny that possibility. Only arrogant enough to preach to others about it.

The Daily Times: Bingo

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On the surface, the idea of taking someone to Bingo for a first date seems silly. Yet, I propose that it’s an amazing idea! Allow me to explain.

Cal is not good with women simply because he’s fit and handsome (although those attributes do help), but because he’s not boring. I have found that people are interested in interesting people. Sounds simplistic, and maybe it is, but it’s true.

When it comes to first dates, the more interesting, the better. Here are my reasons:

  1. Interesting dates activate the minds of those involved, making them more open to understanding each other – the brain isn’t on autopilot.
  2. Interesting dates may evoke unforeseen emotions. By that, I mean that there’s no way for anyone to know how they’ll feel doing something out of the ordinary with a new person. It may be good or bad, but it will still be more emotional than nothing or the same-old-same-old.
  3. Interesting dates are more memorable. And, after all, we’re made up of our memories. Why not make them interesting?
  4. A guy who can come up with an interesting date shows he’s at least trying.
  5. If the couple gets married, the interesting first date is a great story. At least a lot better than “dinner and a movie.”

The fact that Moxy doesn’t bit doesn’t mean Cal’s technique doesn’t work, it just means that she’s not biting. She’s got her opinions on Cal so his charms find no purchase.

On a similar note, I also think that pulling weeds is a good idea for a first date as well. But that’s a discussion for another time.

Bark & Grill: Gummy Teeth

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Recently, I had a molar removed. I’ll spare you the details, just know that it is now gone.

The process of having a tooth removed made me appreciate my remaining teeth all the more. Many of us in the western world are blessed to have access to dental care. This is no small thing. We must remember that when we’re apprehensive about visiting the dentist. The dentist is our friend!

Back to my molar. I was in extreme pain up to the moment it was removed. It hurt so much, I couldn’t even sleep which made the whole scenario worse. I couldn’t help but remember that infamous scene in Castaway. If you have seen the movie, you know what I’m talking about.

As for gummy candy, all I can say is that I’m a fan. The absolute best gummy bears I’ve ever had are from a humble source: the generic store brand from H-E-B. Unfortunately, as far as I know, they do not make gummy teeth.

The Daily Times: Charlie

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For fans of Perk at Work, you’ll recognize ol’ Charlie. I don’t like cats, but I love Charlie!

I believe there’s something deep inside of us that makes us love animals. As a Christian, I believe that something was embedded by a great and awesome Creator, of whom I cannot explain nor define.

Perhaps animal husbandry is genetic; our human ancestors who took care of animals fully realized the benefit – be it financial, emotional, or otherwise – of animals. After all, for spans of time, livestock was (and to some extent, still now) considered an indicator of wealth.

All that said, if we love animals, we must show it; virtue signaling does nothing. And what does it mean to love all animals? From what I can ascertain, it usually means having a heart for beings that may be hunted by the most efficient and intelligent predator in all of nature – human. That aligns with the Care-Harm Moral Foundation. And, if we’re operating on only two of the five (or six?) moral foundations, such a focus would be naturally amplified.

For those unfamiliar with the Moral Foundations, I recommend a deep dive rather than a mere Google search. Check out Jonathan Haidt’s “The Righteous Mind.”

Bark & Grill: Gypsy

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Culture is misunderstood these days. It’s a paradox, really. Many people want to appreciate the diversity of culture yet want to make everybody into one generic type of person.

Confused? Allow me to explain.

Not all cultures are alike. If they were, there wouldn’t be cultures (plural), but one culture, and the term would lose its meaning.

For example, some cultures prefer to have men work outside of the home and women to stay at home and raise the children. If that rubs you the wrong way, and you wish to change those people to “think right,” you may be one of those folks who wants all cultures to be alike.

Let’s say another culture likes to eat rats on a day they call “Rat Eating Day.” Again, if you feel you have to change them, therein lies the err.

I don’t agree with all cultures. I also don’t wish to change them (as much as I may want to change them). It’s their culture, not mine.

The problem, as I see it, is that we are arrogant and self-righteous. We think our way is the best way and the only way. If someone does different, they must be stupid or evil. While that may be the case, it doesn’t mean it automatically is the case.

We need to listen with open ears and open minds. Perhaps our way is better. Perhaps it isn’t. Only an objective analysis of our opinion, by ourselves or others, will bring that to light. If our way is better, we need to know why it is better for humanity, not just for one person or a small subset of people.

And we need to understand Gypsies better.

The Daily Times: Remarry

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On a personal note, I am remarried; second marriage. Every relationship, of course, is different. But I believe that divorce is never a good thing.

Some may say, “Well, what if the person is in an abusive marriage?” or the like. That’s not necessarily a defense of divorce (although I that may be a solution), but rather, a symptom of a bad choice in a mate or poor lifestyle choices or communication in the relationship.

Some may now retort, “People change! What if the person you marry became someone completely different!” Perhaps. But a leopard doesn’t change its spots. It may be harsh to hear, but we, as a culture, have abandoned the extreme vetting process of finding a suitable spouse (or trying to be one). I venture to guess that well over half of us are guilty of such.

On another note, divorce can wreak havoc on one’s confidence and outlook on love. Some overcompensate in the attempt at being the opposite of the crappy spouse they once were (that’s me), while others don’t change and get into similar relationships, and still others give up or fail (Mr. Jackovich above can attest to that). There has to be a healthy way of healing, but it’s like trying to solve a math equation with too many variables.

On a lighter note, there is love out there in the world. Yes, many of us are broken, but we can mend. And, what better yet, we can find someone with whom we can mend with and bond tightly together in the process.

Bark & Grill: Stoic

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I’m one of those wannabe stoic types. Guilty. And yes, I watch stoic videos on YouTube.

Isn’t that such a silly thing when we think about it? YouTube should be the last place on earth a person should learn stoicism. Just getting on YouTube is entering a world of distraction and emotion and nonsense.

Or maybe that’s the way. After all, Ryan Holiday seems to think so.

Now, I wouldn’t necessarily call YouTube a “trial,” but as “The Social Dilemma” has noted, it ain’t easy to navigate this online world.

The Daily Times: Mondays

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Oh, those dreaded Mondays!

I read a book once about Mondays and dreading work. At the time, it was called “48 Hours to the Work You Love.” It’s now called “No More Dreaded Mondays” or maybe even “No More Mondays.”

Ironically, it’s hard work to get to the don’t-have-to-work phase of life. And it doesn’t happen by accident.

I no longer dread Mondays. They’re not my favorite, but if every day was my favorite, I would have no favorite. That’s how favorites work. My favorite day is Saturday because it’s open and I can spend time with my family. It’s also my cheat day so that only adds to the flavor, no pun intended.

The thing about hating Mondays is that it is so trite; low-hanging fruit. There’s also a negative energy in hating/focusing on one day vs. the positive energy/focusing on a favorite day. I chose the latter.

By the way, I’m writing this on a Saturday.