Sheryl’s Five Points

Q & A with Sheryl

Q: What are your vital statistics when it comes to:

Age? A: “Well, a lady doesn’t state her age. Especially a lady of my age. I haven’t lived fifty-seven years and not learned anything!”

Height? A: “When I was younger, the gentlemen used to say I was a tall drink of water. I wore high heels then and done up my hair much higher. Can’t wear them high heels no more due to these painful bunions I got now. I figure if it weren’t for the bunions, I’d still have men crawling all over themselves to get to me. I mean I still do my hair up high.”

Weight? A: “One fifteen the last time I checked on a scale that I trusted. For some reason the doctor threw that one out.”

Q: What kind of work do you do and do you like it?

A: “I work in the accounting department for a publishing house. No, I don’t like it. I don’t like work period! It’s a shame I have to get up and get all done up to come to this stinking place! The only thing I like about this job is my paycheck and I don’t even like that all that much. I wish I could not work at all and get a bigger paycheck. That’s just one of those things that makes me quirky.”

Q: What is your home life like?

A: “Are you asking if I’m married because I’m divorced. Three times. I’ve got Charlie my big cat and two other cats Ethel and Brownie. Charlie’s my favorite and Ethel and Brownie are jealous. That’s why they make a mess of the litter box. And I know it’s Brownie more than Ethel because Brownie has always had an attitude since day one. It’s gotten to the point that I had to get a separate litter box just for Charlie but I think Brownie uses it to.” [Sheryl continued to talk about her cats for another seven minutes; too much to include here]

Q: What are some of your likes and dislikes?

A: “Not much I like but I can tell you some of the things I don’t like: stupid people, stupid people who drive slow, stupid people who make me wait in line at the grocery store, stupid people who treat Jennifer Aniston like trash. Seriously! Why does she always choose the wrong guy to go out with? Or maybe it’s because Hollywood doesn’t have anyone good enough for her. I mean she’s such a sweet girl. Have you ever seen that one movie with her and the dog? How could anyone treat a girl like that the way these foolish boys do?!” [Sheryl continued to talk about Jennifer Aniston for another ten minutes; again, too much to include here]

Q: What’s something embarrassing about yourself that you don’t openly share with people?

A: “That’s a tough one seeing as how I don’t really do anything wrong. Maybe I can talk about the stupid, embarrassing things I see other people do, hmm?”

Mr. Argyle’s Five Points

Q & A with Mr. Argyle

Q: What are your vital statistics when it comes to:

Age? A: “I am sixty-seven years of age and blessed to have lived this long.” Height? A: “Five seven and shrinking as I get older. [Laughs]”

Weight? A: “Oh, I reckon about one fifty, one sixty. I don’t keep track of that. I have been wearing the same size of clothes for forty years now. As long as that doesn’t change I figure I’m doing well.”

Q: What kind of work do you do and do you like it?

A: “Work is an odd term for what I do. I make money through my investments. I don’t really get a paycheck. It’s a bit hard to explain if you’re not as involved as I am. That’s not to say you can’t understand it – if I can understand how to live off of investments, anyone can. But it’s not as simple as going in and getting a job and picking up a paycheck. My work involves finding the best place for my money to get the greatest return. Sometimes those opportunities happen in an office or a meeting but most of the time they come from asking questions or driving around. Foreclosures make good rental properties and real estate is one of my favorite places to make my money because it appreciates and usually a profit can be made while it pays for itself. I’ll shut up now. My wife gets a bit irritated when I go on and on about this stuff so I reckon other folks may as well.”

Q: What is your home life like?

A: “My wife and I live in the same house we’ve lived in for the last thirty- some-odd years. Can’t remember exactly when we moved in, my wife knows all the dates and such. It was a two bedroom, one bath house when we bought it but we have since added another bedroom – a master – a den and a porch. The master has the new bath. It’s only the two of us now since the kids are all grown up and got lives of their own, but it’s a nice home and I don’t see us moving anytime soon. I was able to pay off the house easily when I switched my forty-year mortgage to a fifteen-year. I turned around and purchased a small upscale duplex that paid for itself plus the mortgage on my house. Over the remaining years of the mortgage, I only made two or three payments myself, I think. Those were the times when I had a vacancy at the duplex, still got it by the way. You see, by purchasing a higher scale rental property and diverting the profits toward my own modest home… oops, there I go again rambling about real estate. Pardon me, please.”

Q: What are some of your likes and dislikes?

A: “I don’t do much of what you might call ‘entertainment.’ I enjoy finding new and interesting ways to make money. I don’t have any hobbies to speak of, was never really creative in that way. Not a handyman by any stretch of the imagination. I’ve got this guy who works for me, does a lot of the maintenance on my personal house rentals. Sometimes I’ll go watch him when he’s fixing a sink or the like. We’ll talk about things like family and fishing, though I’m not big on fishing. Got a cabin up in the mountains where the wife and I go a few times a year. Sometimes the kids and the grand kids come up too, and it’s nice to relax with them all around. Fills me with joy!”

Q: What’s something embarrassing about yourself that you don’t openly share with people?

A: “I don’t drive on the freeways when I don’t have to. Makes me nervous with folks zipping around so fast. I’d rather take the frontage road or find ways around. No sense in getting in an accident for the sake of getting somewhere sooner, no sir.”