Sheryl’s Five Points

Q & A with Sheryl

Q: What are your vital statistics when it comes to:

Age? A: “Well, a lady doesn’t state her age. Especially a lady of my age. I haven’t lived fifty-seven years and not learned anything!”

Height? A: “When I was younger, the gentlemen used to say I was a tall drink of water. I wore high heels then and done up my hair much higher. Can’t wear them high heels no more due to these painful bunions I got now. I figure if it weren’t for the bunions, I’d still have men crawling all over themselves to get to me. I mean I still do my hair up high.”

Weight? A: “One fifteen the last time I checked on a scale that I trusted. For some reason the doctor threw that one out.”

Q: What kind of work do you do and do you like it?

A: “I work in the accounting department for a publishing house. No, I don’t like it. I don’t like work period! It’s a shame I have to get up and get all done up to come to this stinking place! The only thing I like about this job is my paycheck and I don’t even like that all that much. I wish I could not work at all and get a bigger paycheck. That’s just one of those things that makes me quirky.”

Q: What is your home life like?

A: “Are you asking if I’m married because I’m divorced. Three times. I’ve got Charlie my big cat and two other cats Ethel and Brownie. Charlie’s my favorite and Ethel and Brownie are jealous. That’s why they make a mess of the litter box. And I know it’s Brownie more than Ethel because Brownie has always had an attitude since day one. It’s gotten to the point that I had to get a separate litter box just for Charlie but I think Brownie uses it to.” [Sheryl continued to talk about her cats for another seven minutes; too much to include here]

Q: What are some of your likes and dislikes?

A: “Not much I like but I can tell you some of the things I don’t like: stupid people, stupid people who drive slow, stupid people who make me wait in line at the grocery store, stupid people who treat Jennifer Aniston like trash. Seriously! Why does she always choose the wrong guy to go out with? Or maybe it’s because Hollywood doesn’t have anyone good enough for her. I mean she’s such a sweet girl. Have you ever seen that one movie with her and the dog? How could anyone treat a girl like that the way these foolish boys do?!” [Sheryl continued to talk about Jennifer Aniston for another ten minutes; again, too much to include here]

Q: What’s something embarrassing about yourself that you don’t openly share with people?

A: “That’s a tough one seeing as how I don’t really do anything wrong. Maybe I can talk about the stupid, embarrassing things I see other people do, hmm?”

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