Laziness: From Caveman to You

Published on SubStack, December 2, 2022

Laziness is the sum of hundreds, if not thousands of “shortcut” decisions. It’s a habit rather than a personality trait. Now, before you beat yourself up (or someone else for that matter), remember that we’re all human, and, as such, laziness is a part of our nature.

Your brain does a lot of work keeping you alive. Naturally, it doesn’t want to exhaust itself by doing things that are unnecessary. It’ll choose the easiest path with the least amount of effort in order to keep on chugging along. That was a good thing when times were tough. These days… well, if you have indoor plumbing and a smartphone, you’re a far cry from our caveman ancestors.

How do we overcome laziness when it’s embedded in our DNA? I’ve developed a quick trick and I’ll share it with you in a moment. But first, let’s understand laziness a little better.

Blame the caveman

When we humans lived as hunter-gathers, energy was vital. After all, by description, we spent most of our days hunting and gathering food to fuel the next day of hunting and gathering. It was hard work and our ancestors burned a ton of calories. Basically, it was like driving a Hummer and hoping you made it to the next gas station without running out of gas.

The human brain is smart. The only way we could survive as a species was if we figured out ways not to run out of fuel. If we didn’t need to exhaust energy, we wouldn’t. After eons of this sort of lifestyle, we became highly efficient lazy creatures. It took a lot of work to get this lazy!

Bread and circuses, Grubhub, and Netflix

Fast forward to modern times in first-world cultures and sustaining life isn’t so precarious. Food readily available. Heck, nowadays, with the push of a button, a courier will pick up your ordered food and deliver it to your door. There’s absolutely no hunting or gathering on your part.

Along with overcoming that whole not-starving-to-death problem, we looked for ways to fill the time we would normally be hunting and gathering. Enter entertainment. In its heyday, Rome entered into a time of “panem et circenses” (i.e., bread and circuses). If all roads lead to Rome, then it’s no wonder we’re at the same point.

A quick and easy way to beat laziness… kinda

If laziness came from thousands of “shortcut” decisions, overcoming it will take thousands of “not-so-shortcut” decisions. Here’s my trick for hacking laziness:

When tempted to take a shortcut on any given task, spend an additional 10-30 seconds doing it properly.

For the most part, laziness is simply avoidance. Facing a small task and doing it right will have a ripple effect. Your brain will still want to do things the lazy way, but your spirit will override it.

Get started

Speaking of spirit, in the movie “Spirited,” Ryan Renolds’s character sings the line, “People are lazy.” True. Yet, you are not “people,” but your own person. Trimming laziness out of your life one small task at a time will eventually have a huge impact. Start today and see where you’re at in a year.

My “About” Page is Done… Finally

For a while now, my “About” page has been sitting there with “Under Construction” as the content. I just hadn’t gotten around to it. And, to be honest, those pages are always a pain in the neck to do. So I put it off.

Then I remembered that I wrote a long letter to accompany my “Perk@Work” syndication packet back in 2021. I pulled that letter, pasted it, and worked it a little. Now I have an About page!

Vintage Stuff: To Be, ‘O Not To B.O.

Published in “One Lump or Two,” March 2003 – Click here to view the PDF

Today’s question is a question of office etiquette: “How do I deal with a co-worker with a bad B.O.?” This is a question that may possibly tread on delicate soil but only if you happen to be the one with B.O. Don’t feel as if we’re picking on you simply because of your B.O. We’ve put up with your personal brand of perfume up until now. The least you can do is read this with an open mind and elbows pressed tightly against your ribs.

With B.O., it is truly better to give than to receive. In fact, the offender, who from here on out will be referred to as Mr. Pitts, may be unwittingly offending. First and foremost, be polite and understanding. Mr. Pitts is a person with feelings just like the rest of us. Just because he’s immune to his own rankness doesn’t mean he’s immune to insults. There are three options to choose from to broach the subject, which may or may not yield the desired outcome (Mr. Pitts meets Mr. Right Guard). It can’t hurt to try. I mean, right about now your even willing to don a gasmask, right?

Option 1

The most popular way in which coworkers attempt to solve this problem is by dropping a little of their own money to purchase a nice container of the leading brand of deodorant. You can even wrap it in a little box as a present with a card attached reading, “Open in private.” This is probably the most polite way in which you can tell Mr. Pitts that he is quite odoriferous while retaining your anonymity. Unfortunately, Mr. Pitts may not understand the gift. He may see it as some type of joke or misplaced present. Think there’s no way he wouldn’t comprehend such a gesture? Remember, he can’t comprehend the concept of armpit hygiene in the first place, even after hundreds of commercials and advertisements clearly stating that their product helps you shroud your armpit odor with products strong enough for a gorilla but made for your puny body.

Option 2

A more forward approach to this problem is to find the office nice guy and ask him to “have a little talk” with Mr. Pitts. This way, Mr. Pitts gets some one-on-one with someone who is compassionate and understanding. Here is a little skit that you may or may not draw from:

Mr. OfficeNiceGuy: “Mr. Pitts, I gotta ask you something but I was wondering if we could talk in private.”

Mr. Pitts: “Sure.”

Mr. OfficeNiceGuy: “I was wondering, Mr. Pitts, are you by chance a time traveler? I couldn’t help but notice that you don’t seem to wear deodorant. I know that people long ago lacked basic hygiene and…well, I guess what I’m asking is, can I go back and forth through time in your time machine?”

Mr. Pitts: “Time machine? What are you talking about? I’m not a time traveler!”

Mr. OfficeNiceGuy: “Oh yeah? Then how do you explain the fact that you don’t wear deodorant? Huh? There’s no way you could be a contemporary human and not know that you have to mask your armpits with a non-permeable layer of scented product which may or may not leave a white flaky mess! You’re holding out on me! I want a ride in that time machine, you hear?”

Mr. Pitts: “There’s no time machine, I tell ya! Just because I don’t wear deodorant doesn’t make me a time traveler!”

Mr. OfficeNiceGuy: “Well, I’d start wearing deodorant if I were you! Everybody here wants to use your time machine! Maybe using deodorant will show them that you are not a time traveler, but if I find out you have a time machine…!”

Option 3

There is one last way to go about this but it’s risky. So risky in fact that this would be a good time to send the interns into the other room. OK, so you’ve tried everything. As a last resort, you could send in the office hottie to try to persuade him to smell nice. Odds are Mr. Pitts is single (and for good reason). Ms. OfficeHottie only has to talk to Ms. RunnerUpOfficeHottie within earshot of Mr. Pitts and say something to this effect: “Boy, I know that all my hottie friends and I like men who wear ‘Brand X’ deodorant. The more they wear, the better! Yes, all my hottie friends and I talk about this when we go out on hottie night!” Ms. RunnerUpOfficeHottie can respond with, “I wholeheartedly agree but my hottie friends and I are willing to settle for ‘Brand Y’ as long as he starts wearing it like now!” You can buy these two girls a can of Red Bull or whatever it is girls like this like nowadays.

Remember, Mr. Pitts is a real person with real bad B.O. Sure it’s not your job to teach him how to take the cap off the deodorant before applying it to his armpit but, like many other office tasks, if you don’t do it yourself, it probably won’t get done. Your job may stink but the air you breathe shouldn’t.