This subject – how to be a good man – is near and dear to my heart; as it should be to every man. Yet, the more I dive into it, the more elusive it appears.
Don’t get me wrong, there are some definite fundamentals, Ten Commandments sort of stuff. Add in some “thou shalt not abuse power,” a dash of “thou shalt not be greedy,” and mix it with a dash of “thou shalt not stink too bad,” and, voilà! A good man!
Not really though. It’s a bit more complicated than that.
Coming at the issue from the what-should-I-do-or-don’t-do direction leads to self-absorption which is, as you know, not a quality of a good man. A guy can get caught up in self-improvement to the point of “improving” themselves into a worse state; navel-gazing and whatnot.
That said, all the above commandment stuff is still good, but it is the baseline. Also, it doesn’t account for cultural differences. For instance, what makes a good caveman doesn’t make a good metrosexual. I realize caveman isn’t quite a contemporary demographic, but you get the point.
I currently live in San Antonio, Texas. My wife and I love to visit the small, rural towns outside of the big city. In those areas, a good man may be quite different from in the city. I touched on this in a Bark & Grill comic:
In Perk’s case, the whole being-a-good-man idea didn’t even originate with him, but with Mr. Argyle. Perk wants the end goal (i.e., a good woman) without even considering being a worthy counterpart. This is, of course, the fatal flaw.
And while Mr. Argyle may not know it, the book “Mate: Become the Man Women Want” is an excellent resource for Perk. There are a lot of books and resources out there for guys wanting to get a girl, but that book is, in my opinion, one of the best. It’s not a pick-up artist technique book, but rather a way to transform one’s self.
So, if the book above works to get a girl, why is the question still elusive? Being a good man is not simply about attracting a mate. There are good men who are single, like the Apostle Paul. Additionally, being a good man should also require a great deal of humility. Therein lies the paradox: any man who is truly a good man will also be humble and will not attract attention to himself which would put him under the radar in a sense. Sure, others may note his noble nature, but they wouldn’t necessarily be able to pin down any method used to activate such a nature. And the guy isn’t going to go shout it from the rooftops because such a haughty act is not humble.
I have never claimed to be a good man. I would like to be a good man and I’m working on it. If I ever figure it out, I’ll share my findings. Of course, it’ll be under a nom de plume, as any good man should.
Jason Salas 