Month: October 2010

Q & A with Compa

Q: What are your vital statistics when it comes to:

Age? A: “I’m 37 but I’ve got the body of a dude twice my age! Check out my biceps?”

Height? A: “Around like five feets ten. I never made it to six feets else I could slam dunk a b-ball!”

Weight? A: “Our scale at home only goes to 250 so I don’t know.”

Q: What kind of work do you do and do you like it?

A: “I’m back-of-house so I do everything! I cook and clean and all. This place would crumble without me. I’m like Superman only Chicano and with bigger guns, you know? I like my job because it’s easy and I don’t have to think and I get to eat all I want.”

Q: What is your home life like?

A: “We have a place in a pretty nice park. In three years we’ll own our single-wide. I think it’s good to invest in real estate. As for my family, I’ve got my old lady and my two girls and my boy. He’s going to start playing football soon, pee-wee league. He’s going to be a monster defensive end, all crushing bones and stuff. I already told the coach that he’s not supposed to kick the football else I’ll pull him out. I ain’t raising no field goal kicker.”

Q: What are some of your likes and dislikes?

A: “I like football. Most of what we do revolves around football season. That time between the Super Bowl and Pre-Season is torture. Sometimes I’ll watch like arena football but it’s not like the real thing. It’s like drinking O’Douls. I also like tricking out my
car, making it all cherry, you know? I’ve put more money into that Festiva than I paid for it. I think that says something about the kind of person I am. When it comes to things I don’t like, I would have to say baseball because there’s no hitting like in football. I also don’t like softball because it’s even wimpier than baseball which is pretty wimpy to begin with! I really don’t like lady softball or that WNBA. But I might watch if the ladies looked like football cheerleaders be- cause I always watch them when they come on the TV.”

Q: What’s something embarrassing about yourself that you don’t openly share with people?

A: “I dropped out of school so I had to go to night school to get my GED. But now that I have that I think I can probably just go back to night school to get a PhD or something. Then Boss would have to pay me the big bucks!”