Seamus C. Monster,
Resident Odditor

Recently, my friend Slosh asked me to help him move from one apartment complex to another one. Apparently, he had weird neighbors and drama and all that and it was easier for him to move than to fix the situation. Whatever.

In any case, this put me in a tough situation. I like Slosh. We’ve been friends for years. But I do not like helping anyone move. It’s always an exhausting and messy ordeal that takes all day and the only payment is cheap pizza!

Well, you can imagine my dilemma. How could I tell Slosh that, no, I didn’t want to help him move while, at the same time, maintaining our good friendship?

Here’s what I did: I agreed to help him move but told him that I could only help out for one hour since I had someplace to go (by that, I meant “home”). Then, one hour before the move, I fibbed and told him I had diarrhea and, if I lifted anything…

Long story short, Slosh relieved me of my obligation (no pun needed). I hope he doesn’t read this.

Anyways… enjoy this issue!

Steampunk Pro VR Headset

While this VR headset doesn’t have all the digital bells and whistles you may get with Apple’s Vision Pro, it has a few actual bells and whistles.

Extra Stretchy Cat Yoga Pants

Your cat can stretch like Gumby on a medieval torture rack. Why not encourage her behavior instead of glowering at her with “stretch envy.” (We all know you do it!)

The “Golden Grills” Collection

Make your golden years truly golden! Choose a style that fits your character and/or gums. Thank you for being a player!